


Terry From Tacoma

by hklang



Category: Frasier (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-13
Updated: 2019-01-13
Packaged: 2019-10-09 15:21:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,936
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17409341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hklang/pseuds/hklang
Summary: Frasier takes a call from an agitated listener. Niles and Daphne can no longer contain themselves. A storm is coming!





	Terry From Tacoma

Scene 1

“Doctor I’m calling with a warning and many Patriots already know but there’s a storm coming and that storm threatens to blow a lot of people away and when-they-are-talking-about-fighting-climate change-or-global-warming-of-whatever-their-calling-it-now-”

 

Terry from Tacoma was not taking time to breathe.

 

“-these people are actually talking about that storm and I’ll tell you something else, Dr. Crane, that’s just going to make it worse. Fire burns but it also purifies.”

 

Terry from Tacoma was no breathing between each word and speaking with the cadence of a doomsday preacher.

 

“Let me ask you something Dr. Crane, Don’t you find it curious that they found Osama with a bullet between the eyes?” This was the first pause big enough for Frasier Crane to interject. His words rushed out like a pack of wild dogs chasing Frasier down. The only reason they had stopped now is because they had caught him and he would soon be torn apart. But, Frasier Crane was a fighter. He managed to recover and throw his calm, cool, authoritative voice across the path of these dogs, which now frankly seemed less like dogs and more lie a train that he was throwing his voice in front of. Frasier Crane was not one to normally mix metaphors but he was beginning to panic.

 

“It sounds like you are experiencing a lot of anxiety around things that seem beyond your control. I think a lot of listeners can relate to this feeling of helplessness.”

 

“-Oh, it’s not helplessness. I’m not going to be washed away. But, if you think that what ‘s been happening to the children and with Osama-found-dead-with-a-bullet-between-his-eyes is just as its been told to you then things might seem chaotic but I trust in the plant the problem is they know about you Dr. Crane and they aren’t happy see they think that you’re the lynchpin that could blow this while thing wide open. See, I know the flood-gates are bound to open and silencing you won’t stop these rising waters from breaking open this dam; but, they are gonna try.”

 

Frasier didn’t remember how he got off the phone; but he was able to cut to commercial somehow. He leaned back from his mic. The car insurance ad was playing low in his headphones. “That man was on the verge of a schizoid embolism,” he thought.

 

Scene 2

That night Frasier had a strange dream. He was walking through Seattle in a light rain. No one else was around. He felt that he was being pursued. He was sure that if he turned around to check something terrible would happen. He kept walking afraid to slow down and afraid to speed up. Later he was examining the corpse of Osama Bin Laden. He had been shot between the eyes. Everything was foggy and confused. He was back in the Seattle rain. He tripped over his father’s dog and woke up.

Scene 3

Later Niles was over and he was reasonably sure it was not a dream. Daphne and Niles were telling him something. His father was dozing in his chair. Frasier felt as if he were underwater.

 

“We’ve become intertwined like two serpents. I have never felt so alive, so care-free, and so cold blooded.” It was Niles talking and he was intertwined, with Daphne. To Frasier they seemed unreasonably close. Daphne mouthed “Doctor Crane” in an alarmingly lurid way. It had become unbearably humid. “I could not take it anymore. I needed the rain to come. Now it is clearer; it is a dry heat. Everything is better after a storm. It is purer, more natural. I hope you will forgive me for being unscientific. We are both adults.” Daphne was positively undulating. Several buttons on Niles’ shirt were undone. They were both flush and glistening. Frasier was repulsed and afraid that Niles was somehow going to work Osama Bin Laden into his reverie. Then either his father’s dog farted. Frasier felt as if he were being watched and laughed at.

 

Scene 4

Outside it was raining and Frasier was walking, for real this time. Frasier walked passed converted warehouses with cafes on the first floor. He had somehow forgotten his umbrella and raincoat. He started thinking. He had an image stuck in his head. It was of his brother and Daphne cavorting while his father slept in his recliner. Lightning flashed on the street and in his vision. Daphne and Niles were writhing on top of Osama Bin Laden’s corpse. Oh. God. Please no. Not between the man’s eyes. Frasier decided to stop for some coffee.

 

Scene 5

Inside the café Frasier was unsure of his surroundings. It seemed empty. Frasier wondered if he needed something stronger than coffee. He sipped his espresso testing the temperature and evaluating the crema. He felt at ease. He head had better espresso and that put him at ease. He felt like he, like he had some secret knowledge that the barista the barista did not and that secret knowledge wrapped around him like a warm smug blanket. He felt his old confidence come flooding back. Somehow the café still refused to come fully into focus, but he could tell it had a stylish austere industrial decor.

 

“Some times life gets chaotic. It’s good to sit back and take time for the small pleasures. That’s what I tell my listeners.” Frasier was eager to be recognized. He was recognized.

 

“Dr. Crane the walls feel like they’re closing in don’ they. It’s cause you seen too much. The storm is following you Dr. Crane you’re a storm-bringer-a-herald.” Frasier grew cold and clammy and it wasn’t because he was still wet from the rain. “That’s right Dr. Crane it’s me, Terry from Tacoma. It was time for us to meet the last preparations are being made the storm is coming.” Terry from Tacoma’s speech veered into freeform association about Korea, child molestation, and Osama Bin Laden. Frasier was certain that this man was experiencing a full on schizoid embolism and to Frasier it seemed like all of Seattle was being taken along for the ride. Terry from Tacoma clawed at him. Espresso flew through the air. Steamed mild started spraying wildly. Men in black suits rushed in from somewhere as Frasier lost his footing. The room was shaking. The two men in suits started beating Terry from Tacoma as Frasier crawled to the door. There was now a dense fog all around Frasier; it smelled of blood and steamed milk.

 

Scene 6

Frasier burst through the door of his condominium soaked and bruised. He had interrupted something. Niles was shirtless, eyes to the ceiling, in the throws of some self-admonishing lecture about the conception of sin and Carl Jung. No, not the conception of sin his framework was altogether to practical for that abstraction. Niles was in trouble. His father was shouting about Korea. The dog ran about him as he cursed long dead generals. Daphne careened in from what Frasier assumed was the kitchen wielding a broken down cardboard box and duct tape shouting, “Oh, Dr. Crane.” The windows were broken. Rain poured in. Cans of domestic beer rolled around with every step Frasier took. Father had been drinking more than usual.

 

“Daphne get these windows sealed!” Somehow she did.

 

The rain quieted and a semblance of normalcy settled on the condominium. Niles was whimpering, which was not unusual. Frasier wished his brother would put on a shirt. His father sat down on his recliner and fell asleep. Daphne excused herself to clean something, presumably.

 

“Of course, you’re right Niles. It really does come down to Jung.” Frasier hoped this would be soothing.

 

“It was some wild subconscious, Frasier. We did not know what we were doing.”  


“It wasn’t your fault Niles and besides it’s all over now; or, at least it will be soon. I know it doesn’t make any sense. Sometimes things seem out of our control and it’s best to take it easy...” Frasier’s thoughts went back to his listeners, “It’s that goddam schizoid! It didn’t make any sense Niles, no, not at first. But Niles, your subconscious it’s not only vulnerable; it’s attuned! Oh, dear brother.” Niles’ nose stopped running. “Tom from Tacoma’s embolism is sending out Jungian aftershocks. All of Seattle could soon be affected. The only way to end this is to cut it off at its source.”

Niles didn’t completely understand but he managed to smile and say, “Oh Frasier, I knew there was a bit of real psychiatrist left in you.” Frasier ignored the verbal barb. It was time for action not fraternal bickering.

 

“I may bet the only one who can do this Niles. As Seattle’s most loved psychiatrist, I am the only one. I am now certain that my popularity has created a psychic barrier, a Jungian subconscious consensus zone around my person if you will. That’s what protects me from the embolismic schizoid emanations, you see? That’s why you and Daphne have been writhing on Osama Bin Laden’s corpse.”

 

Niles nodded and sobbed, “good grief Frasier, right between the eyes!” They embraced.

 

“I know brother, I know. Just think brother, it was probably for America. Well Niles, as you can see I am the only one with the knowledge of what needs to be done and the power to do it. I must be going.”

 

Frasier put his raincoat on over his soaking clothes and left. Niles stood in silence for a few moments before sitting on the floor beside his sleeping father.

 

Scene 7

Out on the street Frasier headed towards the center of the rainstorm. At times he stumbled. When the chaos around him grew so strong he couldn’t move forward. When he was assailed on all sides by traitors and Osama Bin Laden, he found a coffee shop and went in.

 

Scene 8

“Well Dr. Crane, I don’t know if I could believe it if you weren’t the most famous and well respected psychiatrist in all of Seattle. Then again it makes as much sense as anything else that’s been going on these past few days.” The policeman said.

 

“I hardly find it credible myself. Your skepticism is a testament to your even mindedness and psychological resilience. I hope all the citizens of Seattle are as able to return to the previous norms of reality as you are.”

 

“You took the words right out of my mouth Dr. Crane”

 

“It’s only when I look at my hands and see the blood that I really believe it.” Frasier was spattered in blood. The coffee shop had blood splatters everywhere. Fortunately, industrial chic was easy to clean; well that was what Frasier imagined. He might ask Daphne.

 

Next to the body of Terry from Tacoma was an espresso tamper caked with blood and hair. Frasier’s eyes settled upon it. “Yes, officer, when I wrestled him to the ground and brained him repeatedly with an espresso tamper I sent us all back on the road to sanity. I was the only one who could do it, being so famous. Oh, when I think of his shrieking even after his first eye popped out he still went on about...” Frasier paused in reflection. “Well officer, it is still much too dangerous to talk about. There are still residual embolismic Jungian emanations, you see. It’s best to adopt your attitude of near disbelief and, dare I say denial.”

 

“All the boys are in agreement on that Dr. Crane. We’ll get this covered up.” The medical examiner covered Terry from Tacoma with a sheet.

 

“God speed officer, the Sanity of all of Seattle may depend on it.


End file.
